WDW: Minnie Moo
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: ﻿When the recently deceased cow ghost is kidnaped, Mickey hires a professional: Basil of Baker Street. Jealous and feeling left out, the Hitchhiking Ghosts compete to find the cow first!
1. A Yodeling Number

It was a grim day at Disney. Beloved cow Minnie Moo, who was born with spots in the shape of a Mickey head, had just died. The happy cow had lived a long life on Grandma Duck's farm in Toontown. But now she had sadly passed on. Scrooge McDuck actually wanted to milk some more money (sorry for the pun) out of the cow by selling her body to one of the park's restaurants, but Mickey and Donald managed to talk him out of it. We now join her spirit at the Haunted Mansion...

"Welcome to the Pet Cemetery!" smiled a Raven perched on a tombstone. "I'll be your host...your ghost host." He paused, but the ghost of the cow said nothing. "Darn. Gracey always said it better."

A few other animals approached. "It's no use trying to get through to her," explained Bambi's mother. "She isn't like the rest of us. She's...how should I put this...real."

"Yes, we can treat her with care, but she's not really a Disney creation," explained a fox, Todd's mother. "We all have a bit of Disney magic in us, and she sadly doesn't."

The three Hitchhiking Ghosts (Ezra, Gus, and Phineas) dropped down from a tree. "That Disney magic stuff is crap," said Ezra. "Why does Pluto act like a normal dog, yet that Goofy guy walks around and does normal stuff."

"If you can call what he does normal," added Phineas.

Gus walked over to Minnie Moo and pushed her over. "I always wanted to do that." Suddenly, Gus was knocked over himself. "What happened?"

"That invisible horse got you," said Ezra. "Let's go. This cow means nothing to us, right guys?"

"Right!"

That night, four figures rowed through the dark on the Rivers of America. Dismounting their boat, they passed the Liberty Tree and through the square up to the gothic mansion. Almost all the ghosts were asleep. One by one, the figures stepped into a tiny bit of light, revealing who they were: Alameda Slim and his nephews, the Willies!

"Listen up," Slim said quietly.

_**There are folks in this here square**_

_**Who just don't give a care**_

_**That it don't matter if you know how to rustle**_

_**But I'm sure that I know how**_

_**And I can easily prove now**_

_**That I can do it with moving a single muscle**_

_**They call me weird boys**_

_**Disturbed and nasty to**_

_**But I'll be feared boys**_

_**With that simple thing I do...**_

_**You see I...**_

_**Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Odle**_

_**The sound that you can hear coast to coast**_

_**Yeah, I can Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Odle**_

_**And I'm gonna see if it also works on ghosts**_

Minnie Moo sprung up upon hearing the song. With a blank look in her eyes (which was saying something, since she usually looked blank) she followed Slim. Todd's Mother rose up from her grave. "What's going on?"

Willies: **_He don't prod, he don't yell,  
Still he drives them dogies well,  
Which ain't easy when your chaps are labeled XXXXL!_**

Slim: **_Yes, if you're looking from a ghostly cattle's view  
I sure can yodel-adle-eedle-idle  
Yodel-adle-eedle-idle  
Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo!_**

The Hitchhiking Ghosts slept inside their crypt when a few animal ghosts ran in, jumping on them. "Wake up!"

Ezra sat up. "What do you want? We're sleeping here!"

"It's Slim! And he's got Minnie Moo! I know you didn't like her, but you have to do something about it!"

"Slim!" cried Ezra. "Wake up the other ghosts! We're got a fat guy to deal with!"

**_Yes, I can yodel-adle-eedle-odle  
A sound that drowns out that darn hound's howl  
Yeah, I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle!  
When you hear it, ol' Slim's on the prowl_**

Slim stood dancing outside, still singing. The Hitchhiking Ghosts ran out, and looked around. The graveyard had become a crazy land of neon colors. "Wow," said Ezra. "This is trippier than Fraggle Rock...nah, nothing's weirder than a talking Trash Heap."

**_He don't rope-  
Not a chance!  
He just puts 'em in a trance!  
He's a pioneer Pied Piper in ten-gallon underpants!_**

Eventually, riding on Minnie Moo, Slim made it to the train tracks. The ghosts followed in hot pursuit. "We've got him now!" cheered Ezra.

"Yeah," said Phineas, "but where are the Willies?"

**_Yep, I'm the real rip-roarin' deal to Minnie Moo  
Thanks to my yodel-adle-eedle-idle  
Dodle-adle-eedle-idle  
I got the cattle out the ol' wazoo!_**

(Phineas: Doesn't that hurt?)**_  
'Cause I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo!_**

Suddenly, the train breezed through, being driven lighting-fast by the Willies. Slim jumped on with the final line of his song: **_Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Oo!_**

With that, the train disappeared into the distance as the other ghosts arrived...a bit too late.

* * *

Sigh...that was the last truly preformed musical number in a Disney movie...what happened tosongs that were actually sung by the characters! Also, I know Minnie Moo is dead, but I'm not sure how long ago her real death was. Rest in peace, cow... 


	2. Toontown

That morning, Mickey met the ghosts at the Mansion. "I tell you," said Ezra, "Slim got away on that train!"

"I know, but we've searched all the stations!" explained Mickey. "Alameda Slim could be anywhere in this park, let alone Florida! But why would he steal a ghost cow? What goo would that do him?"

Ezra looked determined. "We have to find her!"

"I thought you didn't like her," pointed out Bambi's mother.

"I don't! But she's still part of our attraction, and we ghosts have to stick together!"

"Except for Madame Leota," said Phineas.

"Right, not her."

"Or Little Leota."

"Well, I guess."

"Or those Opera Ghosts, I just don't like them."

"OKAY!" Ezra shoved Phineas out the door. "Go throw things at the Republicans at the Hall of Presidents! Or the Democrats! Whichever side you're on! Throw stuff at all of them! Just go! I'm talking to the mouse!" Ezra turned back to Mickey. "Just leave it to me, mouse. I'll find Slim! I know where he is!"

"Well," said Mickey, "just to be safe, I hired a professional,"

Out walked a much smaller mouse, dressed as Sherlock Holmes. "Basil of Baker Street, reporting for duty."

"Oh, come on!" exclaimed Ezra. "Disney doesn't even acknowledge his movie!"

"That doesn't mean it was a bad film," reasoned Basil.

"Go jump in a Black Cauldron." Ezra went off to sulk.

"Yes, well. I could find Mr. Slim, but I would need to know why he would be after Miss Minnie Moo in the first place."

Ezra came rushing back like a bolt of lightning. "I know! I told you I could solve this case! See, Slim never liked us! He's...the one who lived. With no relation to Harry Potter, in the original drafts of 'Home on the Range,' back when it was 'Sweatin' Bullets,' Slim and the Willies were written as ghosts (which is why they were called the Willies in the first place). An early Slim even visited our mansion, and he was a real jerk, too. All high and mighty, but loving the afterlife...of course, he never really had a previous life to enjoy. He was crushed when he was rewritten as a normal guy who got beaten up by a bunch of cows. He wants revenge, and he probably likes the novelty of kidnaping a ghost cow."

"I see...where did you learn that?"

"Internet and audio commentaries!" Ezra proudly replied.

Basil gave a sort of sigh and began to search the mansion. "What's he doing now?" complained Ezra. "Look, mouse! You hired a nut! Me and the others are gonna get to the bottom of this case!"

The three ghosts walked though Toontown, trying to figure out where to look first for the cow. "See, if I know Slim," explained Ezra, "then he's going to hide in an obvious place! This park! And where is it more obvious to hide a cow? The Barnstormer!"

However, a search through the barnstormer resulted in nothing. But someone saw the ghosts looking around the place. A large looking man in a Mickey Mouse hat watched them from Pete's Garage. He turned to three skinny men, each one looking like the other. They also wore Mickey Mouse hats. The skinny guys gasped in horror at the fat man. "Who are you! What'd you do to Uncle Slim!"

The man took off his hat to reveal that he was Slim! The others were clearly the Willies. "It's me, you morons! And those ghosts from the Mansion are out there! Can I trust you to look after yourselves while I go and dispose of them?"

"Prob'ly not."

Slim handed them a mirror. "Amuse yourselves."

The Willies looked in the mirror and saw their disguised reflections. "Who are you! What'd you do with us!"

The dejected Hitchhiking Ghosts were walking away when they heard a yodeling noise coming from the Barnstormer! "SLIM!"

They quickly ran into the barn just in time to see Slim boarding a car that started up the tracks. "Stop the car!" ordered Ezra. The Hitchhiking ghosts jumped in after Slim. Suddenly, Alameda jumped out and started the ride up again, at a faster speed. The passengers screamed in horror, but the ghosts loved it. "YEE-HAW!"

The cars zoomed through Toontown, barreling into Minnie's House. "Well, it was all pink and stuff," said Gus. "I'm sure she'll update to a more modern place, and ditch the frills."

The next stop on the path of destruction was Mickey's house. "Ooh, he'll kill us for this one," said Phineas. "At least it wasn't an interactive place. Those cost more."

Then there was the Judge's tent. "Oh no!" cried Phineas. "We've destroyed the place where you can meet Pooh!"

"Yeah, there are twenty of those," said Ezra, "so relax...hey, we're passin' through the Princess room! Woop woop! Hey, Snow White, want a scary adventure? CALL ME!"

The ride crashed finally at Donald's boat (The Miss Daisy). Ezra stood dramatically at the ship's edge as it slowly sank. "Gentlemen, hitchhiking with you has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life."

It began to rain after that. The ghosts bought little ponchos from the park's vendors and calmly walked back to the mansion. "Here's the plan," said Ezra as they walked through Frontierland, "we deny everything. Besides, it was Slim's fault."

They reached the Haunted Mansion's front gate where Master Gracey was waiting for them. "Gentlemen, I'm afraid that Mickey wasn't very happy with your...little joyride."

"It was NOT a joyride!" Ezra shot back. "We saw Alameda Slim around there! He set this whole thing up!"

"Ah," said Basil, stepping out from behind Gracey's shoe, "but even Mr. Slum..."

"Slim."

"Whatever. Even he is not stupid enough to stick around here after his adventure. And due to previous reports of your...behavior, all signs point to you for that display."

Gus tried to crush the mouse with his ball and chain, but he simply stepped out of the way. Ezra was outraged. "We SAW him! And someone else must have as well!"

"Yes, there were reports of a...large tourist, but I'm sure you've seen that we have a wide variety of weights. That man you spied in the crowd..."

"HE WAS ON THE RIDE!"

"He could have been anyone."

Basil strolled away. Gracey looked back up at the ghosts. "Mickey was too busy attempting to rebuild Toontown to say this to you...but he wants you out...now."

Ezra dramatically turned away. "Fine. We'll leave. But when you wake up and realize that there's no one in the mirrors at the end of the ride, you'll regret it."

"Wait!" called Gracey as the trio sadly left, "It's not up to me!"

The ghosts sadly sat on a bus. Phineas broke the silence: "I knew they hated us. Ever since they had that movie where Ezra didn't even have a line, they've had it in for us."

"They know where to find us," said Ezra.

"Actually, no. You never told them where we were going."

"He has no idea where we're going," grumbled Gus.

"Yes I do!" argued Ezra. He looked out the window and saw a billboard for EPCOT. "We're going to EPCOT! There's a great big beautiful tomorrow!"

"That's Tomorrowland."

"Doesn't matter."

* * *

I'd just like to say that I'm sorry about not updating; I wasn't sure how to write some of the scenes such as the Toontown chase/destruction.


	3. EPCOT Ghosts

Ezra strolled across Future World, with Phineas and Gus behind him. "Ah, this is the life, boys! Listen to the dramatic music playing!"

"I'm homesick," complained Phineas. "There's nothing to do around here, except learn about how plants grow or 'The Making of Me.'"

"I'm heading over to that," smiled Gus.

"Well, seeing as our plot is going nowhere as it is," said Ezra, "you'll find me in 'El Rio Del Tiempo'...whatever the hell that means." Ezra walked off towards World Showcase, leaving Phineas.

"It's the river of time, and...hey, why are you guys leaving?" Phineas realized he was alone. "Guys? GUYS? Great. I'm all alone in a park filled with millions of people...now that we've completely lost track of the plot, this fic is as pointless as those random one-shot spams that everyone loves for some reason! We need focus! We need..."

"Imagination?" asked a little creature. It was Figment the purple dragon, the park's true mascot.

"I remember you!" smiled Phineas, happy to be talking to someone. "You're the guy who's always giving Ezra one little spark...that then leads to his crazy ideas. I bet you're the reason we almost destroyed the park that one time and even when we traumatized Winnie the Pooh!"

"I'm not proud of all those..."

"We sure are!"

"Look," explained Figment, "you guys are the funniest things in this park! Aside from Ellen over at the Universe of Energy. Seeing that Ezra is drowning his sorrows with Mexican food (which probably won't help) and Gus is resurrecting his dead hormones, I suppose you'll get this inspiration."

"_**One little spark**_

**_Of inspiration  
Is at the heart  
Of all creation  
Right at the start  
Of everything that's new  
One little spark  
Lights up for you_** Now, think...what do you want?"

"Well," thought Phineas, "I want our mansion back..."

"Go on."

"And I want Slim caught and Minnie Moo to be safe..."

"What else?"

Phineas suddenly jumped in front of the park's fountains. "I WANT EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN IN THE MOVIES!" The fountains behind him instantly came to life, spraying multicolored water everywhere.

"You've done it!" cried Figment. "That's your spark! That also ends my brief cameo! Now, go find the others!"

_**Imagination  
Imagination  
A dream can be a dream come trueWith just that spark  
In me and you**_

Phineas raced through the park. "Where are they? Where are they?" He found Gus is rewiring things at Innoventions.

"I figured out how to find Minnie Moo..." grinned Gus. "Send off a flare!" Gus pressed a button and several displays exploded, going up in flames.

Phineas stared. "But...Minnie Moo's been kidnaped, so all you've done is pointless property damage."

"Works for me."

"Look, we've got to find Ezra! I have one little spark! ONE LITTLE SPARK!"

Gus motioned to the fire. "I prefer bigger sparks, like the ones I just made."

"This is what I get for listening to purple talking dragons with crazy voices," sighed Phineas. "Well, at least Figment's always happy..."

Figment, meanwhile, was sitting and crying in the now much smaller Image Works. "WHY! WHY!"

Ezra was found slumped at a table in Mexico, nearly drunk, ranting to Jose and Panchito. "An' you know what else? What's up with those dolphin things at the Swan and Dolphin hotel? The statues look like big bloated fish! HA! An' what about Snow White? If the movie was made nowadays we wouldn't have no Sneezy! We'd have 'Gassy!'"

"Don't tell me he's reached his Gassy rant..." said Phineas.

"Your friend is mucho amusing!" laughed Panchito.

Ezra sat up. "Don't try to fool us! You don't know any Spanish aside from stereotypical words like adios!"

"I think he's right," whispered Gus.

Ezra started to laugh at nothing for a second and then whirled around to the other ghosts. "And here's my buddies! We're just three caballeros! Boy, what a trippy movie."

"Is he okay?" said Gus.

"He gets this way in indoor pavilions," explained Phineas.

"Let's all sing something!" Ezra randomly screeched.

Phineas talked very slowly, oping Ezra would understand him. "Ezra, I've been inspired, okay? We're going back to the Magic Kingdom and we're getting Minnie Moo. Alright?"

"Hey! A rampage!"

"No. No rampage. We're going to be heros."

Ezra seemed to be getting this. "Go the distance?"

"Yes! Go the distance!"

Ezra shook his head. "No, the best song in _Hercules_ was 'One Last Hope' despite the fact that those Disneysites PIGS voted it worst! Lies! All lies!"

"You're not taking in anything I say."

"101 Dalmations..." said Ezra. "What a movie."

"He's lost," sighed Gus.

"Just get him on the bus and he'll be fine," said Phineas. The three ghosts quickly left and were soon on their way back.

"Now what will amuse us?" asked Jose.

Panchito got an idea. "Let us find Donaldo Duck and torment him! That is always good for a laugh!"

"And let us randomly shoot our guns on the way!" suggested Jose.

"YAAAAAAAAHHHH-HOO!"

* * *

Finally, it's updated! Phineas's fountain scene is a refrence to The Producers.

Yes, Figment is indeed here. I'm happy I got to go on the original ride (I also so the second rehab, which wasn't too awful)

Panchito and Jose are the two birds from the Three Caballeros.


	4. Chase Scene

The hitchhiking ghosts entered the Magic Kingdom. "Here we are!" grinned Ezra, looking around Main Street. "Back again! Now tell us the plan!"

"We find Slim!" ordered Phineas, as that was all he could think of.

"Right!" agreed Ezra. "And I know where he's hiding! But we have to be inconspicuous, as Mickey doesn't want us back."

"Right," agreed Phineas. "There are some who call me...STEALTH in my maneuvers!" Pineas broke into an odd pose. His friends stared. "Right..."

Soon, the ghosts found themselves standing under Big Thunder Mountain.

Gus stared up. "Here? It's too obvious!"

"That's where Basil of Baker Street went wrong!" cried Ezra. "He forgot that Slim is just some cowboy! Of course he'll hide somewhere obvious."

"You're smart when you're sober," said Phineas.

Alameda Slim watched the from a rock above. "Curses! I've been found! Willies! Grab the cow and let's get outta here! Those ghosts'll never get Slim!"

The Hitchhiking Ghosts started to climb up the mountain.

"You know what would be better?" suggested Phineas. "If we were in Disneyland and climbing the Matterhorn."

Ezra thought about this. "Yeah, but why would a cow be there?"

"Maybe the Abominable Snowman was hungry," rationalized Gus.

Phineas kept climbing. "Let's just grab the cow and leave."

The Willies suddenly rode by on Minnie Moo. Ezra gasped. "They've already done that! Phineas, you're the inspired one! What do we do?"

"I don't know! My spark only went as far as to get me here!"

"Let's push it over," said Gus.

On this, Slim made his entrance. He jumped out and pushed little Gus all the way down the mountain. "I'll do it first!"

"Gus!" Gus toppled into the Rivers of America.

"Now what?" moaned Phineas.

Ezra made a quick plan. "You go after Alameda! I'll save the dwarf!"

"Dopey?"

"No."

"Don't get started on Gassy..."

"I'm talking about Gus!"

"Oh yeah."

Down below, Mickey was driving the Liberty Belle Riverboat, whistling the tune from "Steamboat Willie." He was about to hit Gus, who was innocently floating around in the water.

Ezra came diving down Big Thunder. "I'll save you, dwarf!"

Gus looked up. "Dopey?"

Ezra jumped into the boat and began to steer it himself. Captain Mickey was outraged. "You again? You're more annoying than the Phantom Blot!"

"I always loved that guy. Look out there! What do you see?"

Mickey saw a fat westerner riding away on a cow with three skinny men behind him. "It's...Slim!"

"Don't you feel guilty? If you'll excuse us, we've got a cow to save."

Gus climbed onboard. "Weirdest ride I ever hitched..." Ezra and Gus jumped off and swam through the river. Mickey tried to drive after them. "Wait a second., guys! I'll send someone else!"

Ignoring Mickey, they met Phineas ashore. "Where's Minnie Moo?" gasped Ezra.

"I lost them at the Briar Patch! What do we do?"

Ezra thought for a moment. "There's one place they could be heading! The front gate! Let's go"

Mickey arrived with Aladdin. "Don't worry! I found someone to help!"

Ezra was insulted. "Yeah, if we want someone to sing 'One Jump Ahead,' I'll call him. Mickey, I hate to reference a movie in front of its' hero but...do you trust me?"

"No."

Phineas marched up proudly. "Well, I'm the guy with one little spark and we're gonna save the day! So there!"

The ghosts quickly turned and took off through Fantasyland. Phineas was trying to think. "I'm at a loss for idea...where's the spark?"

Figment flew by. "Use the teacups!"

"That's more giving him the answer than a spark," Ezra pointed out, "but oh well!"

The ghosts jumped into a teacup from The Mad Tea Party and started spinning it harder than anyone had ever spun before.

"Faster! Faster!"

"This is so cool!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!"

They finally spun it so fast, that the teacup jumped off the platform and skidded down the path, leaving sparks. They passed a man proposing to his girlfriend. "Will you...marry me?"

Ezra groaned. "How clever...look around you, people!" There were at least three other people proposing in that area.

"Ouch," grinned Phineas.

The ghosts then passed a kid. "Hey, kid!" called Ezra. "Is it your birthday?"

"No..."

"Well, then...**_A very merry unbirthday to you!_**"

Just as they reached the gate, they spotted Slim riding away with the Willies past the bus stop.

"I was right, as always!" cried Ezra, attempting to steer. "After him!" The skidded down the road in hot pursuit.

"We can't even outrun a cow?" groaned Phineas. "This is really painful."

Panchito chased after them and jumped in. "Oh, what fun! A car chase!"

"Actually, a teacup and steer chase," said Gus.

"We're going nowhere fast with this one," said Ezra. "Panchito, have fun. We're finding a new mode of transportation."

The ghosts dismounted, leaving Panchito in the cup, spinning out of control into the distance. "But I cannot steer!" He disappeared down a road. A crash was head in the distance.

The ghosts realized they were still in EPCOT. "What's the fastest ride here?" cried Phineas.

"Mission Space!" said Ezra.

"That's a simulator, moron," grumbled Gus.

"Test Track!" called Figment.

"There he goes again," said Phineas, heading for the ride. The ghosts were soon cruising down the road in a car.

"How's this for style, guys?" smiled Ezra.

"We'd really be hot stuff if we had sunglasses," said Gus.

"Yeah..." they all sighed dreamily.

Slim rode by on Minnie Moo. "Fast ride, boys. In fact, you've already passed me!"

The ghosts stopped the car, sending them flying. Slim laughed and rode away. "Always buckle your seatbelts, kids!" yelled Ezra, before landing in the passing

Holiday tour bus.

"So..." Mickey said sarcastically, "how's the chase going?"

Gus grabbed the wheel and started steering. "Here we go!"

"Wait a second!" cried Mickey as the characters began to panic. "That cow's important, but you'll kill us all!"

"See?" reasoned Phineas. "Being born dead helps."

"Born?" said Ezra. "You mean imagineered."

The ghosts scanned the bus. Most of the characters were freaking out. "I think they're scared, Ezra."

Ezra sighed. "This is what we get for doing our jobs. I'll lighten the mood." Ezra grabbed the microphone from _House of Mouse _and jumped where everyone could see him. "Hey, everyone! Time for some Disney kareoke!"

_**The seaweed is always greener**_

_**In somebody else's lake**_

_**You dream about going up there**_

_**But that is a big mistake...**_

As Ezra sang, Lenny, the binoculars from _Toy Story_, hopped up and looked out the window. "Hey, guys...I hate to tell you this, but you're sorta driving the wrong way."

"Oh. TURN THIS THING AROUND!"

Gus made a sharp curve, resulting in half the characters flying out the open windows.

"See?" said Ezra. "Once again, they didn't fasten their seatbelts."

"This bus doesn't have seatbelts!" yelled Mickey.

"Well that ain't my fault!"

They finally caught up with Slim, and were riding next to him.

"Okay, Slim!" called Gus. "Hand over the cow!"

"Never! As long as I have my yodeling, she's sticking with me! I can yodel any Disney song!"

"Yodel 'He Lives In You'!" suggested Phineas. "I bet it sounds awesome!"

Ezra laughed. "Ha! But we have something you don't! A soundtrack pumped up to full volume!" **_YODEL-ADLE-EEDLE-IDEL-ODEL!_**

Minnie Moo stopped and started following the bus. Slim chased after them. "That ain't fair!"

"Too bad!" smiled Gus. "You ain't home on the range, cowboy!"

Ghosts: **_You're really up a creek!_**

They happily rode away, with the prize cow in tow.

Slim was stunned. "That's it? You're just gonna leave me here? Nothing else? Ha! What idiots!"

Panchito suddenly crashed into Slim, still in his teacup. "Oh my! You are even funnier than Donaldo himself! I must follow and torment you for amusement!"

"Dang it."

Master Gracey was sitting in the Foyer talking to some guests when he heard a car crash outside. "I will assume the Hitchhiking Ghosts have returned," he said calmly.

The master strolled outside to find a dazed Mickey in a crashed bus. Ezra and Phineas were congratulating each other, and Gus was pushing Minnie Moo over again. Master Gracey smiled, knowing everything was back to normal.

* * *

There's your story! Once again, I would like to thank everyone for reviewing. I just loving writing this stuff (low on plot, high on bad triva jokes) 


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